According To
by Diary
Summary: Luke and Noah argue about Luke's relationship with Reid, and Luke calls Noah out on a few things. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own As the World Turns.

* * *

"This is Brian all over," Noah says, quietly.

Taking a deep breath, Luke answers, "No, this is nothing like Brian."

"Oh, really? He kisses you out of nowhere, and you run to him after-"

"After what, Noah? After you told me that it was fine if I found someone else? After you kept making me feel less than human? Feel free to fill in the blanks," he spits.

"Luke," Noah says, hurt, causing Luke to feel a pang of guilt.

Sighing, he looks down at the ducks toddling around the park. "Noah, I am always going to love you, and I desperately want to be your friend. But you are making that near impossible. I didn't cheat you on. I didn't decide to leave our happy little relationship for some guy I knew absolutely nothing about. Okay?"

"Just tell me, why him?"

"Do you really want to know? I don't think you'll like the answer," he warns, gently.

"Yes. I really want to know."

"According to you, I have so much wrong with me," he says, taking a shuddering breath. "I don't understand you. My family comes from money. I'm too impulsive, I'm too suffocating, and so many other things. Do you know how many times I've felt like you were the boy who put up with me rather than the person who loved me and wanted to spend his life with me?"

"Luke-"

"Reid loves me. He sees me, and he knows my faults. But the thing is, most of the things you thought were wrong with me, he loves me for. And I love him. I'll admit, he needs to learn some civility for people besides his patients and the ones he likes, but he treats me right, and I don't want to change him."

"You're making me sound like this horrible boyfriend."

"I never said that," he says, quietly. "You- I was so in love with you for so long, Noah. I thought you were everything. You were everything. But you usually only wanted me when things were good."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is," he answers, softly. "I can't even be angry about it. When's the last time you apologised for hurting me, Noah? When's the last time you said, 'I'm sorry, Luke; I was wrong.'? Ameera, the army, you lying to me about Reid's instructions. Yeah- he told me he wanted me away from him, not you. None of that's okay."

"I didn't lie," Noah protests, his jaw clenched.

Shrugging, Luke says, "Maybe you just misunderstood, then. I hope so. Either way, I forgive you and want the best for you, but- a doctor tells you that you can't be with your boyfriend, and you don't even try to fight it, you don't let me fight it, you just accept that he has the right to do such a thing? You can be okay with it?"

"I was blind, Luke! I wasn't thinking clearly-"

Luke scoffs. "There it is. Whenever you apologise, there was always a 'but'. I can't even remember the last time there wasn't. That's- that isn't what I want, Noah. And I'm not going to apologise for it."

"This is about-"

"This is about the fact I'm in love with Reid. Nothing you do will change that," he says, firmly. "So, I sincerely hope we can part as friends and that you'll find the right man for you. I hope he's amazing and everything you deserve. I hope-"

"According to you, I'm a terrible boyfriend, the type you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy."

"No," Luke says, closing his eyes. "According to me, you're-"

The anger comes.

"You know what? Never mind. You could have had me, but even if you hadn't pushed me away one too many times, I'm glad we're not together, Noah. Because for all that you made me happy, I was constantly aware of everything I don't like about myself when I was around you. Some of that may be on me, but you sure as hell didn't do much to help."

"And Dr Jerk makes you feel good about yourself?"

"Yeah, Reid does," he answers, looking over, a bit sadly. "According to him, he's the lucky one. Sometimes- sometimes, I don't understand how he can want me so much, why he cares so much about me being happy, but- even though he does say it, he doesn't need to. I can see it in his eyes and in his actions."

"Great, now that you're rid of your lying, selfish boyfriend, I hope you're happy with Reid. Don't blame me when he's done having his fun."

"You know what? I'm done," Luke says, standing up. "If you ever need something, or if you ever want to try being my friend, I hope you'll call me. But I'm not going to let you make me feel guilty anymore."

"Reid hated me, Noah. He couldn't wait to never see me again, and yet, he still saw what I couldn't see: namely, that our relationship wasn't healthy. And instead of using that to get close to me, like you keep unfairly accusing him of doing, he did things like tell me to call you when there was a breakthrough and gave me the phone in Dallas when you called, so that you'd know what I was doing for you. He tried to help."

"Trust me," he continues, "if all Reid wanted was fun, he would have dumped me months ago. Goodbye, Noah."

"Luke-"

Shaking off Noah's attempt to touch him, Luke repeats, "Goodbye, Noah. I have a date I don't want to be late for. Although, he never truly minds when I am."

Mature, Snyder, he tells himself. Very mature.

"Sorry," he says, sighing. "That was low. Look, Noah, I meant what I said. If you ever need anything or just want a friend, remember that I'll always care about you, and I hope you'll call me."

Then, he walks away, ignoring Noah's protests.

…

Noah watches Luke go, an unsettling feeling washing over him.

Reid Oliver is everything to Luke, some part of him realises, just as he used to be. Now, according to Luke, he's nothing.


End file.
